youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
