I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
