The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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