drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
