That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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