her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
