i don't like sucking hair
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
