The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
