By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
