So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
