I could have mohawked her pubes.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
