there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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