it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
