Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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