It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
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