I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
