i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
