He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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