i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
