Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sry I called you an 8
thus making me awesome and them whores
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
