so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
