the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Drake has all the answers
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
