So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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