38 yer olds are good kisserssss
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
