3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
