Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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