Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
