Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
