just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
