I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You ate ashes out of my bong
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
