I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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