jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
