hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
