nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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