guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
