I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
