I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
