i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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