I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
