your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
