writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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