Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
