You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
