Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
