I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
