Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
