i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
