There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
