if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
