Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
